dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
