There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
