I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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