btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
