I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
