What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
