i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
