His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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