So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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