Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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