Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
