Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
