Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
