you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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