walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love you. Go after that dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
