Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
