I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize