I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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