remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
