The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
