I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
