i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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