Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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