is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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