I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
ttyl tear gas
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
