Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
