Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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