I'm eating all of the evidence.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
