is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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