You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
