a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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