Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
