New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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