Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
