shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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