You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
