stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
