well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
