Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
