508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
