I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
