Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
