i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
