You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
