it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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