You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need water and some morals
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
