I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
