Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
