im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
