Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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