rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this boner is exhausting
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
