isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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