Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize