see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
