He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
