what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize