I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize