We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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