Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
