so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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