we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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