Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
