Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize